I work so hard not to have those negative thoughts or interactions with toxic people. It is difficult to avoid because these toxic people tend to seek my company. I am assuming it is because I don't say anything, just listen, hoping that they will just go away once they realize that there is no interest here. Doesn't work. I try to be rude but masochists want whatever attention they can get, positive, negative.
This weekend was difficult to get my long run in. I was so tired after my long run last week that I readjusted my training schedule so I could take an extra rest day but do another 6 miler, not to necessarily, make up for two runs, but whatever, more because I felt good enough to do so. So when I went to a funeral on Saturday and decided to take it as a rest day, adjusting my long run for Sunday and skipping a short run only. Made sense to me at the time. I ran on 9/11. Omg, another day, just another day but boy, running across the Wmsbrg Bridge to the Manhattan Bridge and then through Battery Park home again, the crowds were overwhelming. Cops, firemen, tourists, all over the place, traffic check points. I am tired of all of it, and was so tired from running as well. Not a great 13 miles, pain in my hip, feet, hot, sweaty, tired. Really took a lot of energy out of me. My running is really not very interesting. Tried a new gel but Honey Stinger...sent my belly in a tailspin but I think that I fueled too late in the run. Not managing it well at all. I am hoping that Saturday in Vermont will be better, doubtful but hoping that I manage a bit better. I dread the hills but I really need to train better with speed and hills. Today I did 7 on the treadmill. It was relaxing, chatted with a friend, got off, changed treadmills to chat with another. The stress that comes with training for your first marathon varies so much. This guy is seems so competitive, wants to go faster, longer, etc. Maybe this is a guy thing. I am sure that he and this other dude checked my times which determined not doing any social runs with me, which is good. I don't like the pressure of keeping up, just want to chill and have a good time. I'm too old to be competitive and care what my time is. Of course, I would like to finish in less than 5 hours, but there is no guarantee that will happen. Most important thing is finishing healthy. I have done 20 but I reassured him that I do take walk breaks, not that important for me to go fast, just to enjoy myself and not to overthink it. I do hope that I won't have the need to take many walk breaks, I have to really practice pushing myself. I have too many pains going on, I have to be healthy to be able to move forward and succeed.
Gosh this woman is so toxic. Shows no interest in my training or racing or anything but is so intrusive with her own bullshit. I don't care, I refuse to give her information on my training or thoughts because I had to figure things out on my own and she is not going to benefit from it. If she was a nicer person or a real runner, maybe. She just wants the bragging rights but has no idea what it all entails, for me, at least. Will I race with her? NO, I have given enough money to NYRR including the marathon fee, no more from me. She had no idea what the cost is just to enter and she's a cheapass. She won't make her qualifying 9, I just don't see it happening. She has every excuse in the world and not the healthiest. At least I know where she's volunteering so I can avoid that race at all costs. I don't need the added pressure, she is super competitive.
I am a hater, big time.
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