Can't stop eating sugar. Getting thicker and thicker around the waist. I keep reading that this is what happens. Increase appetite, increase inches and slowing slowing of metabolism. What is so great about aging? Nothing. We work most of our lives from teenagers to seniors. What is that? Capitalism, greed, working working, only if you are successful and rich, does it all pay off, but for me? I will work until I'm 67 or 70 or maybe even longer at this rate of lack of social security and then what? Death.
I sometimes think that I should just give up running because I can't figure out what the point is for all this pain and sweat. I just heard that running creates endorphins that last 12 hours. I have low grade chronic depression, started exercising at the gym every day and felt better. Then three years ago started running outside instead of on the treadmill. Now look at me? I only hit the gym 2 or 3 times, weather dependent, try to keep the outside thing. Training for my first marathon, following a beginner's training program from Runner's World. But why should I? I will run at 49, and die at 50. Yep, that's the spirit. Or have hip replacement. Or give up Jersey Shore for good. I'm too old for Jersey Shore but it's a great reminder of how I am so happy to be older now. That stuff gets so old so quick.
So I had my long run of 12 miles on Saturday which coincided with the Queens Half Marathon, which I couldn't commit to since it is summer, afterall. I took it slow, left early (6:30) and finished before 9. Not bad, not bad. It was a great morning, loads of people out that early. What did I think about? Not a lot. Mainly about all the people I can't stand at work, haha. No hot flashes, they came later in the day, whoa, awful. Today to the gym, 3 miles on the dreadmill, while watching the news. Now eating brownies and more brownies. My foot feeling all sorts of weird, tingling, numb, pain. Went to the Chinese herbalist and he suggested some herbal pills, 30 pills a day and should do the trick. Much less than acupuncture which is 10x at $40. I have taken 20 today, instead of aleve. Let's see.
The Bachorlette, HAHAHA. Breeders are so stupid. I think that Bentley was the most honest contestant yet. Love it!!!! This what we have come to? I watched the Brady Bunch, Partridge Family, ER, real shows. Reality scripted shows, scripted so that can't be reality. And the whole dating scene, girls playing games and guys playing along. Careful, do you really know these people? Oh email and texting, that's knowing someone, FOOL.
Maybe I'm just too old. Turning into my mother. Bitter and angry. So I keep running. I run to clear my mind, I run to forget, I run to remember, I run to understand, I just run. Run through the discomfort, the heat, the hot flashes. Most of the time alone, but there are times with strangers. I wonder how much longer I will be able to keep motivated.
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